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The Gift of Singleness
You may be asking yourself, “Why am I still single?" Instead of asking this question, consider asking yourself instead, “Am I the person I would want to marry?”
Asking this question changes your thinking because it allows you to begin exploring how you can utilize this time to grow individually spiritually, emotionally, and physically. If after you have taken inventory of this question and you realize there are areas you may need to grow in, begin to structure your life, so that you can answer “yes” to this question wholeheartedly. For example, if you want to grow in your spiritual life, consider joining a small group, whether it is at your church or online. With today’s technology, Christians have more options than ever to join a small group with Christians from all over the world. As you begin to grow in your walk with the Lord, you will begin to feel a peace that while you may be single, you are never truly alone when you have Jesus Christ as your Savior.
This season of singleness can truly be a gift. It allows you the opportunity to fully explore who you want to be, what you’re passionate about, and how you want to shape your future. You will only have this one time in your life to make decisions of how you want to structure your life, without having to consult with a mate. There is freedom in that! You have the ability to make your own decisions (with prayerful consideration) on where you want to live, work and play. This time in your life also allows you to define the “guardrails” in your life; meaning that you can begin to examine the importance of the physical and emotional boundaries you want to set in a future relationship, so that you are prepared when you may encounter temptations.
I would also encourage you to make a list of things you are looking for in a future mate. This list can be as detailed as you want it to be—character traits, physical traits, personality traits, etc. Then, take the time to pray over this list. Ask the Lord to reveal to you what, if anything, on this list is unnecessary and what are the things that as an individual you truly need in a mate. An example of a “Future Mate Shopping List”:
•Attends and is actively involved in their church
•Brown hair and light eyes
Then, as you look to explore new relationships, begin to align yourself with opportunities where you are most likely to meet like-minded fellow Christian singles. For example:
•Volunteering at a local shelter: animal shelters, inner-city shelters, half-way homes, etc.
•Mission trips: Churches often sponsor several throughout the year as well as Mission Boards, such as the North American Mission Board
•Church single events: Many churches offer singles events, such as movie nights, conferences, game nights, etc.
•Christian online dating websites: ChristianMingle.com
With so many relationships now beginning online, this can be a great avenue to build new relationships, in conjunction with attending church events. On ChristianMingle.com, we have seen so many success stories from Christian couples who believe that God used the website to bring them together, whether they lived in the same city, or across the country.
Miki and Ashley were living across the country and both decided to give online dating a try. Both Miki and Ashley had been on the site for a few months before they actually "met.” In fact, Ashley was just starting to get into the swing of things when, in March of 2009, he first saw her; a girl in rectangular eye glasses, wearing a Star Trek t-shirt, her fingers formed to create the Vulcan sign for “Live Long and Prosper,” with the words “I'm a Trekkie" written as the caption. He knew he had to meet this girl and find out what made her tick.
In the meantime, Miki was also previewing a few online dating sites and was quickly becoming frustrated.That was, until, she saw ChristianMingle. "My search was narrowed down to men who shared the most important thing in my life . . . God,” she said. In fact, after only a few months of scanning the site, Miki noticed she had an e-mail. “I scoured over Ashley's profile again and again, trying to read between his lines to get a feel for what kind of man he was. Right away I was laughing! He had me in stitches from the start.” Miki was hooked and because “I felt a nudging in my spirit to pursue this opportunity further . . . I decided to pay for a month so I could write him back!” Lo and behold, Miki’s payment began a few short conversations between the two, mostly consisting of Star Trek banter and the possibility of a flight to Sacramento to visit during a work trip.
It wasn’t long before amazing conversation ensued into the wee hours of the night as both came to discover that this was finally something different. “We felt the Lord's prodding and assurance throughout each conversation,” said Miki, and “we made sure to give our new found relationship, whatever it was meant to be, over to him.” Moreover, she said, “We were so grateful for the ability to chat over the Internet because it provided a safe environment to learn about each other and not be afraid to share.” It was only nine months after their initial conversation—December 22 to be exact— that Ashley and Miki became engaged. Six short months later, on June 7, 2010, they were wed as husband and wife. “It was the most beautiful, perfect day of our lives, other than when we first embraced God,” said Miki.
Remember, there is no such thing as “the perfect person.” Be careful to avoid the trap of thinking that you will only be truly happy if you find a mate who will “complete you.” We can only be made complete and whole through Jesus Christ. People will let us down, they will disappoint us; but if you embrace this fact, you will begin to find true fulfillment in both you singleness and when you find your future mate.
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