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He Said-She Said: Ready to Date? Or Not
When a woman like you encounters a situation such as you did, I believe it will only strengthen your character, increase your discernment and fine-tune your dating "Spidey senses." By that, I mean that you are now aware that when someone asks you out what you see may not be what you're going to get. It may end up that he's not interested at all and he may or may not be ready to handle what is required when it comes to pursuing someone for more than friendship (spending time together, getting to know one another, dipping your toes in emotional waters, revealing feelings, etc.). Are you able to handle this type of preliminary rejection? Can you take it if a date seems to go well to you and then you are told that it really didn't go as well as you thought it did once it's over?
Keeping that in mind, you will then be more likely to partake in such an outing with more caution while you are guarding your heart. You will approach the date as more of an exploratory interpersonal mission: Do I like this person? How can I learn more about him? Is he someone I would like to spend more time with? Does he seem to have his act together or is he just a smooth talker? And why did he just use his salad fork when eating the main course????? Ewww! (kidding)
I was blindsided like this a number of years ago, and after a brief period of confusion (and bitterness … hey, just being honest here) it changed me. No, it didn't propel me all the way to general manager status at "Cynical Central," but I do believe it helped me to take a breath and not to put all of my hopes and dreams and desires into the success of one single date.
I'm not saying that this is what you did at all. Perhaps you are very levelheaded and proceeded with caution and truly thought this man was simply enjoying the date with you. I just know that I have missed some signs before. No, I wasn't planning the wedding in my mind just yet, but I know that I saw what I wanted to see and I heard what I wanted to hear and wasn't as careful as I could have been.
It's sad that we have to "armor up" or approach a date in such a way. But in this day and age, truth is relative. What you see isn't necessarily what is really going on. Don't be discouraged, though. Just see this as an opportunity for self-improvement.
You sound like you weren't dashed to pieces (emotionally) from this situation. And that is good. Hopefully, you have learned something and have become better equipped and informed and will be ready to get to know and carefully observe and assess the next man who takes you out on a date.
HE is … Cliff Young, a Crosswalk.com contributing writer and a veteran single of many decades. He has traveled the world in search of fresh experiences, serving opportunities, and the perfect woman (for him) and has found that his investments in God, career and youth ministry have paid off in priceless dividends.
SHE is … Laura MacCorkle, Crosswalk.com's Senior Entertainment Editor. She loves God, her family and and her friends. Singleness has taught her patience, deepened her walk with the Lord and afforded her countless (who's counting anyway?) opportunities to whip up an amazing three-course meal for one.
DISCLAIMER: We are not trained psychologists or licensed professionals. We're just average folk who understand what it's like to live the solo life in the 21st century. We believe that the Bible is our go-to guide for answers to all of life's questions, and it's where we'll go for guidance when responding to your questions. Also, it's important to note that we write our answers separately (we think they sound eerily similar sometimes, too!).
Find this article at: http://www.crosswalk.com/singles/11607255/